H-E-L-L-O

Alighting off the train,
Stepping on the platform,
With bated breath I looked up,
To the signboard that confirmed…
My being in this place.

Flying kisses I sent,
To the very air that blows,
To let others know,
That I am back again…

Traipsing down the streets,
That I never thought I would walk on again,
Climbing up the hill,
That once had led me home,
Bringing so much memory,
A pang of sweet angst,
Clawed in my heart.

Tears prickled at the back of my eyes,
As the bus passed by Pierrepoint Street,
Turning about the corner,
Watching those old, Victorian buildings,
Standing still so majestically,
Though aeons have passed.

Parade Garden too,
As lovely as I could remember,
Reminiscing the time I spent there,
Basking in the summer shine,
With book in hand,
And joy in heart.

Then its ascend at Bathwick Hill,
That leads to the University,
The familiar earache I felt,
That only the treacherous route could caused,
Brings fresh tears,
That I was trying so hard to hold…

Finally I arrived,
Lo and behold,
I am back again…
To the start of where,
All the memoirs are created.

The air undoubtedly is colder,
Its iciness seeped through my skin,
But I mind that not in the least,
For it is the distinct quality of the place.

I wandered around the Uni,
As far as my feet would allow me,
Each step reminded me,
Of the past events that it held.

I wanted to scream my heart out,
To let others know how I feel,
But with dignity I hold back,
And my heart full of praises,
To the Lord that made this feasible.

The bustles in the Parade,
The quacking sound of the ducks,
The calmness of the lake,
The shine bouncing off the Library glass…
Another familiar sight,
Another pang of memories.

Hello again, then I said,
To this place that too,
Has earned a special place in my heart,
Then, now… and for time to come.

Alhamdulillah

Farewell

The crowd is overwhelming,
The emotions are too much,
Sadness I could feel,
Deep inside me.

I could feel they're being pulled,
From their firmly-rooted place,
Slowly but definitely,
Inch by inch,
Creeping on… to let,
The emotions get illuminated,
For tears to flood my face.

But strong I have to be,
At trying times like this,
Strength to go on,
So they won’t see me weakening,
Else it’ll be hard,
For them and for me.

Thus this façade I put on,
A masquerade of delight,
And a smile I plastered,
Goodbyes are said,
Respects to elders are given,
With leaden heart I left,
The pool of smiling faces.

Adieu I whispered,
Silently so they won’t hear,
To this place that I …
Called home.

In contrast to the normal warning, you definitely can try this at home!

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahhi wabarakatuh

I caught a glimpse of the sky today. It was blue. A real nice shade of blue. In contrast to that, pure whiteness of the clouds too I can see. And only by looking at that, I feel amazed. I am still amazed! I remembered quickly that all those are in favours of Allah, for ‘tis Him who made it so. Masya Allah : )

I lowered my gaze. Beholding my sight is the greenness of lush tree tops. Is it not a wonder to us that, though the sun shining so brightly that its intensity could burn, but the leaves and the grass, despite the dazzling shine, still maintain their life even though its water content could evaporate, leaving them dry and lifeless? Such were the intricate yet absolute arrangement that has been drawn by our Lord… in order that we may live in this world comfortably.

Having said that, I wanted to share this piece of commentary that I stumbled upon. It’s interesting that he/she wrote it in response to the saying:

"A picture speaks a thousand words…”

Ada pepatah mengatakan: “Satu gambar itu dapat mengkompilasikan seribu kata-kata…” Benarkah itu? Aku mengambil maksud pepatah itu sebagai cabaran; jika ia benar… seribu kata itu tidak akan datang dengan begitu mudah. Lalu aku mengambil keputusan untuk mencoba melakarkan suatu gambaran yang sangat klise dengan mengunakan bahasa demi menyahut kebenaran pepatah itu. Izinkan aku mengorak kata-kata terhadap pandangan ku ke atas gambar ini. Sekeping gambar yang menunjukkan waktu senja di tepi pantai.

Aku melihat persisiran pantai yang bermandikan warna langit. Indahnya pemandangan yang mencuri penglihatan ku. Dapat aku bayangkan… bunyi angin yang menderu, menyebabkan ketenangan laut berkocak, lalu ombak tercipta. Lantaran itu, air laut terdorong hingga ke persisiran pantai, membasahi pasir-pasir yang kering sebelum kembali semula ke dasar laut. Itulah rutin pasang surutnya air di tepi pantai. Kerana olesan air dipermukaan pasir yang tersusun rapi disebelah laut, menyebabkan refleksi warna langit terjadi… mencipta suatu visual yang memukau.

Aku melihat warna kuning, jingga, ungu... warna awan saling bertukar ganti dengan setiap kadar yang bergerak dengan aksi turunnya bebola jingga yang seawalnya terang menghias siang. Bebola matahari. Turunnya di waktu senja, menurut titah Tuhannya, bagi memberi ruang kepada malam untuk melabuhkan tirainya, agar bulan bisa menyinar, agar bintang bisa memagari bentangan langit yang luas. Namun warna langit tetap dengan birunya yang mendamaikan. Sebentar cuma sebelum bertukar menjadi pekatnya hitam… menandakan tibanya malam. Waktu yang diperintahkan untuk datang setiap hari bagi memberi kesempatan kepada manusia untuk melempiaskan lelah, bagi merehatkan otot-otot yang bekerja keras disiang hari. Ah, alangkah indahnya percaturan alam yang dimainkan oleh Sang Pencipta.

Lantas aku teringat kepada sepotong dzikir harian, yang mengulas tentang pertukarannya siang kepada malam. Ianya suatu aksi menunjukkan kekuasaan Sang Khaliq, bagi mengingati umat manusia yang kian lalai dibuai dunia:

“Sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Kuasa atas segala sesuatu. Engkau masukkan malam kedalam siang dan Engkau masukkan siang kedalam malam.” (Ali Imran)

Indahnya kata-kata Allah... tiada yang bisa mengalahkannya. Walau dengan sepotong ayat sekalipun, aku terpegun namun tiada kata dapat ku lakarkan bagi mendefininasikan perasaan ku. Rasa itu lahir dari batin, tidak terungkapkan secara zahirnya. Mungkin kerana itu lah juga pepatah itu wujud.

Aku pikir aku bisa menulis seribu patah perkataan. Namun, kerana wujudnya batasan bahasa yang sedikit cuma aku ketahui bagi mengambarkannya... aku gagal. Lalu aku akur bahawa sememangnya... “Satu gambar itu lebih banyak berkata…” Andaian ku salah dan pepatah itu benar.

A. Mohamad - (Jumlah kata: 383)

_____

So, can you write a thousand words worth trying to describe a picture? It isn’t easy I tell you (because I’ve tried and failed too! :S But it’s worth the effort) and I think so should you :D

This festive season...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahhi wabarakatuh...

This greeting is a little late but nevertheless, I - on the behalf of the ex-six-thornbankers - would like to wish you a very happy lebaran! So:

Selamat Hari Raya

Salam Idul Fitri

Eid Mubarak

Taqabballahu Minna wa Minkum

Mohon maaf atas segala silap langkah dan kata yang pernah kami lakukan sepanjang persahabatan kami, sama ada disenghajakan mahupun tidak disenghajakan C:

p.s: Was about to put in a picture of us celebrating raya in 6 Thornbanks but due to some unforeseen circumstances, I could not post it in :|

Jaga Hati, Jaga Imaan,

Jaga Diri, Jaga Perbatasan

Nukilanku tentang cinta...

Assalamu’alaikum warahmatullahhi wabarakatuh.

Coretan hari ini saya mulakan dengan kalimah Basmalah, "Bismillahhir Rahmaannir Rahmeen" agar kesempurnaan yang terupaya dapat dikecapi.

Para pembaca sekalian, mungkin anda semua berasa hairan mengapakah saya mengunakan Bahasa Melayu baku bagi coretan ini. Akan tetapi, tidakkah anda sekalian berasa hairan akan mengapakah kita sering menggunakan Bahasa Inggeris padahal ianya bukanlah bahasa rasmi kita. Mengapakah kita berasa kekok sekiranya nukilan hati mahupun coretan seharian kita diceritakan menggunakan bahasa ini? Mungkinkah kerana Bahasa Inggeris itu terlalu mudah bagi kita, atau pun kita sudah terbiasa dengan Bahasa Melayu Brunei kita sehinggakan kita tidak memikir akan adanya keperluan berbahasa begini?

Lantas saya ingin mencuba bagi coretan hari ini walaupun saya akui ianya agak sukar untuk dilaksanakan. Sudah acap kali punat ‘backspace’ ditekan bagi menghapuskan ayat-ayat yang secara tidak langsung tertulis didalam Bahasa Inggeris. Namun usaha ini saya teruskan juga, kerana saya yakin bahawasanya saya akan dapat membuahkan sebuah karya didalam Bahasa Melayu. Tidakkah kita sewajarnya berasa malu sekiranya sebagai anak melayu kita tidak dapat menulis didalam bahasa melayu yang tertib? Iaitu bukanlah bahasa melayu yang songsang mahupun dengan menggunakan bahasa kasar sekalipun.

Tetapi itu bukanlah topik utama bagi coretan hari ini. Ingin saya perdebatkan tentang cinta pada kali ini. Definisi cinta... apakah itu?

Ianya berbeza bagi tiap manusia. Namun yang pasti, ianya dipersetujui bahawa cinta adalah suatu emosi yang membuahkan rasa afeksi ataupun kasih diantara sesama makhluk mahupun kebendaan. Bagi saya pula, cinta adalah suatu perasaan yang tidak mungkin dapat digambarkan secara menyeluruh melalui kata-kata, waima oleh sang pujangga melalui bait-bait puitis yang indah. Mengetahui cinta adalah merasai cinta. Lalu, adakah anda pernah bercinta?

Boleh juga suatu afeksi yang berlebihan boleh disalah ertikan sebagai cinta. Walhal mungkin saja ianya adalah perasaan simpati atau kasih mahupun empati. Manusia itu dilalaikan lalu dibisikkan bahawasanya yang dirasainya itu adalah cinta. Lalu seseorang akan mengaku dirinya sedang dilamun cinta. Alangkah bodohnya manusia, terperangkap dengan hasutan halus itu!

Mungkin perihal cinta sudah tidak begitu dipersoalkan lagi. Mungkin kerana ianya ada dimerata untuk dilihat lantas manusia tidak memikirkannya dengan lebih mendalam. Jika cinta yang disanjung manusia melalui bisikan itu agung, maka mengapakah masih ada perpisahan? Mengapakah masih ada perkelahian antara sesama manusia kerananya? Mengapakah harus ada hati yang terluka, perasaan yang terhuris dan jiwa yang tersiksa sehinggakan seseorang itu boleh melalukan perkara ekstrim yang amat dibenci oleh Allah? Mungkinkah cinta itu adalah sebuah mainan perasaan? Lalu, wajarkah ia merupakan cinta yang sebenar?

Cinta sebenar. Saya bukanlah seorang penulis yang bijak menyusun kata-kata lantas dapat melakar perasan itu. Seperti yang saya katakan, ianya tidak dapat didefinasikan secara menyeluruh walaupun saya pernah merasainya. Ya, saya pernah merasainya... Seketika itu. Anda mungkin bertanya, apakah yang terjadi dengannya sekarang? Ianya masih ada, namun didalam kesamaran yang sedikit menutup. Akan tetapi saya sedang berusaha menyingkap langsir yang menutup itu agar sinarnya tetap bersemarak hingga menusuk hingga ke kalbu yang dalam.

Cinta sebenar adalah cinta yang tiada penghujungnya. Ianya kekal abadi; hakiki. Tidak pernah akan luntur walau maut memisahkan. Ianya akan membuatkan seseorang itu sentiasa berada didalam ketenangan, merasa selamat walau didalam keadaan yang sukar sekalipun. Tiada hati yang terluka, tiada duka yang tercipta. Rintihan perit tiada kedengaran, tangisan lara tidak terluahkan. Ujian yang datang adalah tanda kasih sayang. Kerana keyakinan terhadap cinta hakiki itu sangat utuh sehinggakan keraguan tidak bisa menembusi. Sehingga duka adalah suka, sehingga musibah adalah hadiah. Sehingga tangisan yang wujud hanyalah kerana perasaan syukur yang tidak terhingga kerana berjaya memilikinya, walau hanya sekelumit perasaan yang terdetik. Cinta hakiki itu ialah cinta kepada Sang Khaliq. Cinta yang tiada kondisi, cinta yang bukan berunsur materialistik.

Pepatah Inggris ada mengatakan: “When poverty knocks at the door, love flies out of a window.” Atau didalam Bahasa Melayunya: “Apabila kesusahan atau kemiskinan mengetuk pintu, cinta lari melalui tingkap.”

Cinta mainan. Berkali sudah terdengar atau terbaca cerita tentang kemiskinan yang melanda seseorang itu dapat menlenyapkan perasaan cinta yang ada. Menjadikan suka itu duka, menjadikan cinta itu benci. Lalu ketidakstabilan keadaan memaksa terjadinya perpisahan. Betulkah ia paksa? Ataupun perpisahan itu adalah suatu yang direlakan dalam situasi ini? Lantas apa terjadi dengan cinta itu?

Cinta hakiki. Kemiskinan yang melanda bukan pula dianggap keperitan. Ungkapan ‘Alhamdulillah’ pula sering terucapkan. Seseorang itu akan merasa lebih dekat kepada Sang Khaliq. Mungkinkah kerana seseorang itu tiada tempat lain untuk mengadu? Mungkin… namun yang pasti, dia akan sentiasa berada didalam ayunan asmara yang sebenar. Zikrullahnya itu lebih baik dari ketidakpuasan hati. Cintanya pula semakin mendalam.

Antara cinta mainan dan hakiki. Antara pepatah Inggeris, cinta yang lari dan cinta yang semakin mendalam. Mampukah anda memikirkan yang mana lebih baik untuk mu?

Walau luntasan pendapat yang tidak seberapa ini dikatakan dengan bait-bait yang tidak begitu sempurna, namun saya harap akan dapat membuka minda dan hati para pembaca. Mungkin diri ini merasa kekok dengan Bahasa Melayu lantas karya ini tidak begitu memberangsangkan. Segala kebaikkan datangnya dari Allah, segala kekurangan itu berasal dari diri ini juga.

Training my NFS

Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahhi wabarakatuh.

How have you been doing? Any progress with the training? :)

In the last post, I was talking about training oneself with a deed or committing oneself to a deed or deeds so that by the end of Ramadhan, hopefully insyaAllah it will become a habit. Ameen.

So I decided to train myself with patience. Oh yes! How trying it has been. But Alhamdulillah, it kinda works somehow. You know that we are not born with it (another brilliant note pointed out by that friend of mine :D ). Imagine a baby. If the baby wants something, really really want it, then the baby will try to get our attention in order that we satisfy its want. If however we are unable to give the baby the attention that it seeks, well what do you think the baby will do? The baby will cry lah. Like, really loud and annoying at an earsplitting tone that you just want to shut the baby up and eventually do what it wants. God, babies do know how to manipulate us. Tsk tsk.

Anyway, so basically, you see… babies don’t have patience. Therefore, it is not something that we are born with; rather it is something that is developed within us as we grow.

You know, there a hadith relating imaan and patience:

“As-sabru minal imaan.”

“Patience is half of imaan.”

So if we could get to train our self with patience, insyaAllah our imaan will eventually rose. Could it also be true the other way round, though? InsyaAllah, wallahu’alam.

But anyway, how do you train yourself with patience? Well, there is lots of way to achieve this. It depends on where you want to inflict the patience; be it in your daily routines, your favourite chores or your habits etc. Me? I choose driving. Why? Well here it goes:

I kind of have an affliction. It’s called NFS – need for speed. It happens whenever I’m driving (apparently, duh!). I don’t know why I have the need but I know that I could not stand driving oh-so s-l-o-w-l-y! Or so I thought, hehe.

So because of this NFS condition that I have, I decided… hey, let’s try it on that! After all, driving too fast is never good and since I ‘could not stand’ it, I shall have to suffer and drive s-l-o-w because I want to be a patient person. And so it began.

I remind myself at all times to drive at moderate speed. Not too slow but again, not as fast as I would normally have. Especially if I am not in a hurry to catch something important. So one day I was driving (duh!). And automatically my foot slammed on the accelerator. Seeing as no car is behind me (therefore no pressure!) and quite a few cars in front of me, I said to myself to slow down a bit. Okay, so I lift my foot off the accelerator – just a bit! But at least I’m progressing. I am fighting my nafs (i.e. nfs) and training myself to be more patient. Whee!

And that went on for quite a while. Few days later, I managed to not have to lift my foot of the accelerator because… I am used to not driving that fast anymore. (Uh, are you bored by now? You should be! :p). But I am still driving at moderate speed. I don’t know if my moderate is somebody’s fast but at least it’s moderate to me. Progress.

And just yesterday, I was driving quite slowly. I even managed to stay on the left lane without having too much of an urge to go to the right lane; all the way from my house to the city centre and then to my grandma’s house. The distance is saying something and I am controlling it! Double whee! Or it could be because it’s raining that day haha, lol. No lah, after a while the rain stopped and I am still driving quite slowly *grins*

So! Have I mastered patience? Well, it’s not a one-off job. It’s a constant thing. Not on just one main action/habit but we need to apply it in our everyday routine. The driving adventure is just an example. Hehe.

Again, it differs with a person. What do you want to train yourself to this Ramadhan? :D

Jaga Diri, Jaga Imaan, Jaga Hati

It's been a while... RAMADHAN KAREEM!

Bismillahhir Rahmaannir Raheem.

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahhi wabarakatuh.

Aloha world out there! It has really been a while, has it not? For that, truly sorry for the absence from us the 6-Thornbankers. Or should I say, ex-6-Thornbankers now? Hehe.

To start with, Ramadhan Kareem to you all! Yes, it is that time of the year again, where MASSIVE sales are everywhere, in every little step that we took, in every small deed that we commit. But of course, profitable only if the intention is Lillahi Taa’la!

I have a confession to make. Okay, before everyone expects something REALLY big about to be told, let me be frank and say… it’s probably nothing to you. Hewhew. Well, it’s just that, I have not been writing much since… ages! Oh my. So pardon me for the simplicity of this post and any following posts that may come. The last piece of decent writing probably would be my last academic assignment. Whoa! Haha. And that is saying a lot, by the way.

So anyhow, I thought I might take up a bit of writing now that I actually had the time to write :S. God knows I’ve been busy! :) But no matter. Here we go:

..................................

As it turns out, I am out of idea of what to write! Or should I say, there’s too much to write that I could not bring myself to settle on one else I shall have to write a jumbled, incoherent piece that no one but me could understand! That would be troublesome then, seeing as I have to explain it again, wouldn’t it? Hmm… let me see!

Ah yes. It’s Ramadhan now, as we all know. I remembered (vaguely) a friend saying something about nafs and our imaan and its connection with the holy month. Well, let me rephrase it to my own. So it goes like this. Our imaan and our nafs are always, ALWAYS conflicting between themselves in our daily life.

For example… like, when a friend/family member invited you to recite the Quran together after Isya’ prayer but at the same time a special show is aired on TV that you just HAVE to watch it at that time because everybody’s talking about it and if you don’t watch it then you’re like… uncool. Boo!

So when our imaan is up, we tend to not follow that inner voice that says “C’mon, just this one time… you know you can always do to that next time.” (Sounds familiar? :O) But when it is otherwise, well should I say more? The inner voice, the oh-so-innocent-but-venomous-voice won. And this is… well this is the lure of the Shaitan that feeds on our nafs, which is to watch the tv. So basically, we’re in constant battle. And let me tell you my friend, if we are not too careful, if we do not spend a little bit of our time to ponder upon these things, we lose. BIG TIME. Sad, I know. Which is why we need to be CONSTANT VIGILANT (hehe, as Professor Moody would say it lol).

Anyway, so again, we’re in constant battle. Sometimes we won, sometimes we lose. I admit the latter has a higher probability of happening than the former, for me. But again, trying is the keyword here. Try not to lose. Oh sorry, let me rephrase that. Try to win! :D

Okay so, this friend of mine… she brought to light this interesting fact that I – and probably most of us – have overlooked! Jazakillahhu khair friend : ) She said, we have 12 months in a year. And in all those months, both our imaan and nafs fight with each other. All the time! But, mashaAllah… As we all know, Allah is the Great Planner, Allah Knows All. He made Ramadhan to be the blessed month, for we know in Ramadhan all Shaaitan are locked up so that we are free to commit ourselves to various deeds that are available. This means, our nafs can be tamed as it does not has its best friend. It’s not easy, I can tell you but it’s a start.

MashaAllah. Interesting, don’t you think? Our nafs has 11 months but we have an extra one month to train our self for the better, to increase our imaan and faith, to tame our nafs so that simple, good deeds that seemed hard to do before will be able to flow easily; just like if before you were a barren piece of land, then after the extra month, you’ll be a fertile piece of land with healthy grass growing on it due to the pouring, descendant flow of the incessant water.

(In case no one gets it, the water equals the good deeds that you attached yourself to, or trained yourself to commit, etc, while the grass is the state of your imaan in your heart.)

SO! One month to do it all, one month for a change, for a better future. Are you up to the challenge?

I’ll tell you about my ‘adventure’ with one of the things that I decided to do in next post, insyaAllah. Pray that I have the time to write it!

Therefore, remember our battle. Remember the formula is constant vigilant. Remember the keyword is to TRY. And remember, fighting our nafs does not equal to a considerable loss but a definite win. InsyaAllah :D

Oh, don’t forget the sale!